very_improbable: Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect (Default)
[personal profile] very_improbable
Okay, I got less interested during the second half of the finale so I started taking notes. They look something like this.

THINGS I DO NOT CARE ABOUT
- What Jack wants
- Whether Jack believes in himself
- Whether Jack and Kate--
good lord, is this really all going to come down to a fistfight in the jungle?

CAN'T YOU GIVE JULIET A MOTIVATION THAT IS NOT BASED ON SAWYER'S MAGICAL WANG

God, I love the Radzinsky Show

Kate, maybe you should not TOUCH the area around JACK'S OPEN WOUNDS with your dirty jungle hands

NONE OF YOUR ANSWERS TO THE "WHY" QUESTIONS ARE SATISFACTORY
...except Ben's.

but IS IT GOING TO KILL EVERYONE OR NOT
I think this is a more significant question than whether you and Kate were meant to be together

Hurley, why did you just get in a cab with a mysterious man

you know what, though
sometimes I think that none of the ways people relate to the island situation are incorrect
because honestly, people would act all crazy if these things happened to them
Jack would whine about his feelings
Sawyer would be directionless and angry but slightly smarter than Jack
et cetera

Does Sawyer know yet that Sayid is bleeding out at the van? Because nobody told him as far as I can tell.

OH IF YOU KILL SAYID
SERIOUSLY
YOU'RE GONNA KILL SAYID AREN'T YOU

I have never wished more that this was the alternate universe version of this show where Jack dies in the pilot and one of the ladies becomes the leader for the rest of the series

Michael Emerson is so amazing in this. I don't have words.

Why doesn't Chang just STOP the drilling? Who the hell is in charge?

STOP SHOOTING AT THE GUY WITH A HYDROGEN BOMB

I'm glad Rose and Bernard were there to hang a lantern on all the shooting of people to solve problems, but boy is it unsatisfying to have a big shootout resolving...anything right now

Radzinsky Show! Radzinsky Show!

okay
what now

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
YES
DISASTER

right, Richard did say he watched them all die

what
you fucking bastards
THERE WERE ALMOST NO WOMEN ON THE SHOW
YOU MOTHERFUCKERS
YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES
I'M THROUGH WITH YOU FUCKING SHITBAGS
YOU FUCKING BASTARDS
FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING HETEROSEXUAL TRIANGLES PASTEDE ON YAY
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU GIVING HER A FUCKING LADYPARTS MOTIVATION AND KILLING HER

FUCK YOU, TELEVISION
FUCK YOU, EVERYBODY
I CAN'T EVEN ENJOY WHATEVER'S IN YOUR STUPID BOX NOW
oh, Locke is in your stupid box. I don't care! I'm bored now. you got me in here with all this crazy garbage and then you made me watch Titanic. FUCK YOU.
FUCK YOU and your jungle conference deciding the fate of the entire cast between the two straight white guys who BOTH HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

oh, and fuck Jacob too. I don't care who Jacob is.

whoa, oh fuck, he's not Locke, he's the other dude. WHOA CRAZY
okay, look, that is kind of crazy, and I almost care.
(oh right because that means also Alex wasn't Alex. right? Alex was...whoever this guy is. Esau? I'm calling him Esau.)

and, you know, I'm so close to caring about this wacky turn of events. except that I'M DONE WITH THIS SHOW. I guess Juliet showed INSUFFICIENT INTEREST IN BABIES.

I mean, you can redeem yourselves right now if EVERYBODY DIES, because that's what Richard said he saw. right?

OH
OH
JULIET THE MOTHERFUCKING VAMPIRE SLAYER
SHE WILL...SAVE US ALL?

I have no idea what's happening

JULIET
juliet either saved the world or KILLED EVERYONE
or...

um...

something else.



Also, good lord, the entire non-love-quadrangle-motivated A-plot.

"What about me?"

"What about you?"

So, um, Ben, he's kind of got a Job thing and a Cain thing going on at the same time, huh. Whoa.


- Also, Locke has actually been dead this whole time! What!

- Also, seriously, does Sawyer know that Sayid got shot? I guess it seems kind of moot at this point, but really.

- But really it's all about Rose and Bernard, right?

- Is there anything on TV more queer than, like, absolutely everything about Ben and Richard and Locke right now? Including fake Locke?

- Why doesn't anyone ever listen to Miles?

In conclusion:

"Life, you know, is rather like opening a tin of sardines. We are all of us looking for the key. And I wonder how many of you here tonight have wasted years of your lives looking behind the kitchen dressers of this life for that key. I know I have. Others think they’ve found the key, don’t they? They roll back the lid of the sardine tin of life. They reveal the sardines, the riches of life, therein, and they get them out, and they enjoy them. But, you know, there’s always a little bit in the corner you can’t get out. I wonder is there a little bit in the corner of your life? I know there is in mine!

"And so now I draw to a close. I want you, when you go out into the world, in times of trouble and sorrow and hopelessness and despair, amid the hurley-burley of modern life. If ever you’re tempted to say: 'Stuff this for a lark!', I want you, at such times, to cast your minds back to the words of my first text to you tonight:

"'But my brother Esau is an hairy man, but I am a smooth man.'"

- Beyond the Fringe, Take A Pew
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