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very_improbableTITLE: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, Episode IV: Beating A Dead Horse
RATING: TV-PG
SUMMARY: Like it says on the label.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Apparently I'm taking this seriously enough to write an author's note? I think the only thing actually worth noting is that I do, in fact, intend to post Episodes V and VI, but have not yet completed them. So I guess this is technically a WIP, for certain definitions of "Work".
RATING: TV-PG
SUMMARY: Like it says on the label.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Apparently I'm taking this seriously enough to write an author's note? I think the only thing actually worth noting is that I do, in fact, intend to post Episodes V and VI, but have not yet completed them. So I guess this is technically a WIP, for certain definitions of "Work".
OPENING CREDITS
INT - THE EVIL LEAGUE OF EVIL BOARDROOM - DAY
The usual suspects are here.
PROFESSOR NORMAL: And we see here that despite our best efforts to shut down the Evil Petting Zoo for infringing on our trademark--
Dr. Horrible sits in the corner, trying to look interested, his arms crossed on his chest. The conversation fades away into swelling music as we stay on his face and watch the mask of implacable evil slip away to reveal a man who is still pained by a painful inner pain.
EXT - CITY STREET - DUSK
Dr. Horrible, in his civilian clothes and hoodie sweatshirt and a large pair of sunglasses, comes out of a store with two bags of groceries.
SONG: "HORRIBLE FAME"
DR. HORRIBLE: I had to be the big bad
The scourge of man, the flesh-eating virus
Now everybody knows my evil face
And I feel like Miley Cyrus
He avoids the gaze of various passers-by, some of whom are actually looking at him, some of whom not so much.
DR. HORRIBLE: Does she want an autograph?
Does he want to thrill me?
That girl knows my shoe size
And that one wants to kill me
All these hands stretch out to me
Not one among the many
Is the one I long to see
She's lost forever...
Across the street is a black towncar with tinted windows. One of the back windows is down and a familiar face is looking out.
DR. HORRIBLE: ...Penny?
It sure looks like Penny. She sees him and tries to reach out. As she starts to speak, a hand covers her mouth and pulls her away from the window.
Dr. Horrible drops his groceries and runs toward the car, but it drives off before he gets close. He's left alone, desperately confused. He makes his way back across the street amid honking horns and shouted obscenities. Also, both of his shopping bags are now leaking stuff that broke when he dropped them.
INT - SECOND SKIN'S OFFICE - DAY
This could be a high-ranking FBI official's office, except for the superfolk-related paraphernalia all over. From behind we see a woman with red wavy hair at the desk; we're looking over her shoulder at her laptop.
On the laptop screen: A superfolk-oriented gossip website. The headline reads: WHERE IS SECOND SKIN? Next to it a publicity shot of a tough, noble superheroine with short blonde hair and a simple black mask. The cursor clicks on a link saying "More stories tagged with SECOND SKIN."
We pan around; the woman at the desk is of course Second Skin, unmasked, in a sharp suit, drinking coffee and looking pensive. Behind her is the serious-looking logo for her crimefighting organization: Actually Useful Superheroes.
She is also, of course, Penny.
A knock on the door.
SECOND SKIN: Yeah.
An athletic young woman enters. Her t-shirt bears a symbol that looks a little like a circular recycling logo.
SECOND SKIN: Hey, Instant Karma. How was the seminar?
INSTANT KARMA: It was okay. Sometimes I kind of envy you being undercover, and not having to talk to marketing people. They tried to work on my theme song with me.
SECOND SKIN: How's that going?
SONG: "INSTANT KARMA"
INSTANT KARMA: Instant Karma is coming to find you!
I'll be striking a very strong blow!
So I'm warning you to make a serious change in your life
Or your life will be over--you know?
INSTANT KARMA: ...and that's about all I got done today.
SECOND SKIN: No, it's, uh, really coming along. It's very close to not being legally actionable.
INSTANT KARMA: (sighs) Thanks. How's Operation Horrible going?
SECOND SKIN: We started phase two yesterday. I'm going to be happy when this is over and I can cut my hair again.
INSTANT KARMA: I'm still amazed that you made it all work.
SECOND SKIN: It was nothing.
SONG: "A MAN'S GONNA DO"
SECOND SKIN: Found a perfect nudnik
Who wanted to achieve
The wannabe no-goodnik
Wore his heart upon his sleeve
He got just what he wanted,
He'll get what he deserves,
All I did was steel his nerves--
A man's gonna do
What a man's gonna do.
I told the oldest stories,
Made them sound a little new
I made him feel so special
That he'll never doubt it's true...
SECOND SKIN: My one moment of doubt was when that idiot Captain Hammer got hold of the death ray. He could've ruined six months of work in half a second. But like most of Horrible's inventions, it exploded, and I got that great chest wound, so it all worked out.
INSTANT KARMA: You know, I'm kind of glad I don't have super-healing? Because so many of your plans seem to involve just, like, getting hurt a lot.
SECOND SKIN: It was fine. The worst part of that job was being "Penny" for so long. And having sex with Captain Hammer. Actually, I've pretty much blocked that last part out.
INSTANT KARMA: (gee, thanks for the mental image) ...Yeah. It was worth it, though. Don't forget that. When we take out Bad Horse and tear the Evil League of Evil apart...
SECOND SKIN: Don't count your super-chickens before they're hatched, Karma.
INSTANT KARMA: Okay, okay. (Something on Instant Karma's wrist beeps.) Oh, hey. Crime. I'll catch you later!
Instant Karma bolts out the door.
SECOND SKIN: ...See ya.
Second Skin brings up the gossip website again. The top story now reads: SOURCE SAYS DR. HORRIBLE IN CRAIGSLIST ORGY WITH THREE GROUPIES. Big photo of Dr. H in full regalia.
SONG: "YOU'RE NOTHING WITHOUT ME"
SECOND SKIN: You had a Ph.D. in lonely bloggery
You were made of fail and kind of stalker-y
I played you like a middle C--
You're nothing without me
Now you sit in the Evil League
And you plan your evil plans
Little evil Billy is all grown up
'Cause I made you an evil man
But you wouldn't be there without your secret sponsor
I found you a loser and I left you a monster
It had to be what it had to be
You're nothing without me
You had a nasty habit, now you're addicted
And there's no reason I should feel conflicted--
Second Skin slams her laptop shut. She gets up from her desk and rubs her forehead. Music continues.
INT - EVIL LEAGUE OF EVIL HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
Dr. Horrible paces in front of a big whiteboard filled with evil equations and evil flowcharts. He hasn't been sleeping.
DR. HORRIBLE: I'm not superstitious
I saw it, but it can't be true
I held you dying in my arms
I saw you in a Lincoln towncar, too
What if it was real?
What if it's a clue?
Or what if I've gone crazy
'Cause I'm nothing without you?
Dr. Horrible's computer beeps. He checks out the screen. YOU HAVE A VIDEO CALL FROM BAD HORSE, it says, with a little icon bearing Bad Horse's likeness.
Dr. Horrible sighs and answers the call in full-screen mode. His screen fills with...Penny, in a darkened room. He jumps away.
DR. HORRIBLE: AUGH!
PENNY: Billy?
DR. HORRIBLE: What--what is this? Why are you calling me from beyond the grave? On my boss's Skype account? And my name isn't Billy, it's Dr. Horrib--
PENNY: I don't have a lot of time to explain. I need to warn you--oh, no.
She looks over her shoulder, then hits a key on her computer. The call ends.
DR. HORRIBLE: Penny? PENNY!
Dr. Horrible's computer informs him that BAD HORSE IS NOW OFFLINE. He slams his fist down on the table.
INT. DARK LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Penny/Second Skin sits, lit by the glow of her laptop.
SECOND SKIN: Like taking candy from a baby. (Pause.) Which is totally something that superheroes do.
TO BE CONTINUED
END CREDITS
INT - THE EVIL LEAGUE OF EVIL BOARDROOM - DAY
The usual suspects are here.
PROFESSOR NORMAL: And we see here that despite our best efforts to shut down the Evil Petting Zoo for infringing on our trademark--
Dr. Horrible sits in the corner, trying to look interested, his arms crossed on his chest. The conversation fades away into swelling music as we stay on his face and watch the mask of implacable evil slip away to reveal a man who is still pained by a painful inner pain.
EXT - CITY STREET - DUSK
Dr. Horrible, in his civilian clothes and hoodie sweatshirt and a large pair of sunglasses, comes out of a store with two bags of groceries.
SONG: "HORRIBLE FAME"
DR. HORRIBLE: I had to be the big bad
The scourge of man, the flesh-eating virus
Now everybody knows my evil face
And I feel like Miley Cyrus
He avoids the gaze of various passers-by, some of whom are actually looking at him, some of whom not so much.
DR. HORRIBLE: Does she want an autograph?
Does he want to thrill me?
That girl knows my shoe size
And that one wants to kill me
All these hands stretch out to me
Not one among the many
Is the one I long to see
She's lost forever...
Across the street is a black towncar with tinted windows. One of the back windows is down and a familiar face is looking out.
DR. HORRIBLE: ...Penny?
It sure looks like Penny. She sees him and tries to reach out. As she starts to speak, a hand covers her mouth and pulls her away from the window.
Dr. Horrible drops his groceries and runs toward the car, but it drives off before he gets close. He's left alone, desperately confused. He makes his way back across the street amid honking horns and shouted obscenities. Also, both of his shopping bags are now leaking stuff that broke when he dropped them.
INT - SECOND SKIN'S OFFICE - DAY
This could be a high-ranking FBI official's office, except for the superfolk-related paraphernalia all over. From behind we see a woman with red wavy hair at the desk; we're looking over her shoulder at her laptop.
On the laptop screen: A superfolk-oriented gossip website. The headline reads: WHERE IS SECOND SKIN? Next to it a publicity shot of a tough, noble superheroine with short blonde hair and a simple black mask. The cursor clicks on a link saying "More stories tagged with SECOND SKIN."
We pan around; the woman at the desk is of course Second Skin, unmasked, in a sharp suit, drinking coffee and looking pensive. Behind her is the serious-looking logo for her crimefighting organization: Actually Useful Superheroes.
She is also, of course, Penny.
A knock on the door.
SECOND SKIN: Yeah.
An athletic young woman enters. Her t-shirt bears a symbol that looks a little like a circular recycling logo.
SECOND SKIN: Hey, Instant Karma. How was the seminar?
INSTANT KARMA: It was okay. Sometimes I kind of envy you being undercover, and not having to talk to marketing people. They tried to work on my theme song with me.
SECOND SKIN: How's that going?
SONG: "INSTANT KARMA"
INSTANT KARMA: Instant Karma is coming to find you!
I'll be striking a very strong blow!
So I'm warning you to make a serious change in your life
Or your life will be over--you know?
INSTANT KARMA: ...and that's about all I got done today.
SECOND SKIN: No, it's, uh, really coming along. It's very close to not being legally actionable.
INSTANT KARMA: (sighs) Thanks. How's Operation Horrible going?
SECOND SKIN: We started phase two yesterday. I'm going to be happy when this is over and I can cut my hair again.
INSTANT KARMA: I'm still amazed that you made it all work.
SECOND SKIN: It was nothing.
SONG: "A MAN'S GONNA DO"
SECOND SKIN: Found a perfect nudnik
Who wanted to achieve
The wannabe no-goodnik
Wore his heart upon his sleeve
He got just what he wanted,
He'll get what he deserves,
All I did was steel his nerves--
A man's gonna do
What a man's gonna do.
I told the oldest stories,
Made them sound a little new
I made him feel so special
That he'll never doubt it's true...
SECOND SKIN: My one moment of doubt was when that idiot Captain Hammer got hold of the death ray. He could've ruined six months of work in half a second. But like most of Horrible's inventions, it exploded, and I got that great chest wound, so it all worked out.
INSTANT KARMA: You know, I'm kind of glad I don't have super-healing? Because so many of your plans seem to involve just, like, getting hurt a lot.
SECOND SKIN: It was fine. The worst part of that job was being "Penny" for so long. And having sex with Captain Hammer. Actually, I've pretty much blocked that last part out.
INSTANT KARMA: (gee, thanks for the mental image) ...Yeah. It was worth it, though. Don't forget that. When we take out Bad Horse and tear the Evil League of Evil apart...
SECOND SKIN: Don't count your super-chickens before they're hatched, Karma.
INSTANT KARMA: Okay, okay. (Something on Instant Karma's wrist beeps.) Oh, hey. Crime. I'll catch you later!
Instant Karma bolts out the door.
SECOND SKIN: ...See ya.
Second Skin brings up the gossip website again. The top story now reads: SOURCE SAYS DR. HORRIBLE IN CRAIGSLIST ORGY WITH THREE GROUPIES. Big photo of Dr. H in full regalia.
SONG: "YOU'RE NOTHING WITHOUT ME"
SECOND SKIN: You had a Ph.D. in lonely bloggery
You were made of fail and kind of stalker-y
I played you like a middle C--
You're nothing without me
Now you sit in the Evil League
And you plan your evil plans
Little evil Billy is all grown up
'Cause I made you an evil man
But you wouldn't be there without your secret sponsor
I found you a loser and I left you a monster
It had to be what it had to be
You're nothing without me
You had a nasty habit, now you're addicted
And there's no reason I should feel conflicted--
Second Skin slams her laptop shut. She gets up from her desk and rubs her forehead. Music continues.
INT - EVIL LEAGUE OF EVIL HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
Dr. Horrible paces in front of a big whiteboard filled with evil equations and evil flowcharts. He hasn't been sleeping.
DR. HORRIBLE: I'm not superstitious
I saw it, but it can't be true
I held you dying in my arms
I saw you in a Lincoln towncar, too
What if it was real?
What if it's a clue?
Or what if I've gone crazy
'Cause I'm nothing without you?
Dr. Horrible's computer beeps. He checks out the screen. YOU HAVE A VIDEO CALL FROM BAD HORSE, it says, with a little icon bearing Bad Horse's likeness.
Dr. Horrible sighs and answers the call in full-screen mode. His screen fills with...Penny, in a darkened room. He jumps away.
DR. HORRIBLE: AUGH!
PENNY: Billy?
DR. HORRIBLE: What--what is this? Why are you calling me from beyond the grave? On my boss's Skype account? And my name isn't Billy, it's Dr. Horrib--
PENNY: I don't have a lot of time to explain. I need to warn you--oh, no.
She looks over her shoulder, then hits a key on her computer. The call ends.
DR. HORRIBLE: Penny? PENNY!
Dr. Horrible's computer informs him that BAD HORSE IS NOW OFFLINE. He slams his fist down on the table.
INT. DARK LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Penny/Second Skin sits, lit by the glow of her laptop.
SECOND SKIN: Like taking candy from a baby. (Pause.) Which is totally something that superheroes do.
TO BE CONTINUED
END CREDITS