(no subject)
Dec. 21st, 2005 04:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
very_improbableSo now that I'm done with Yuletide...
Nip/Tuck season finale in five minutes:
Nurse: Package for you, Dr. Troy. It's bleeding.
Audience: EWWWWW oh my god okay it's probably Kimber's hand with her engagement ring, or maybe it's her head! Is it Kimber's head? Is it? Is it? Oh no it's her BOOBS! Why didn't I think of that? Damn you, Nip/Tuck, you're always one step ahead of me!
Matt: I should hang out with that tranny girl that I beat the shit out of a while back and who then got her friends to help her beat the shit out of me. Clearly I'm the only person in her life who can or should make her feel pretty and worthwhile.
Cherry: Well, he tranny-bashed me, but now he's acting kind of nice, so it would probably be a good idea to hang out with him a lot. It's not like I have other friends or anything.
Kit: Evening, squire. I just dropped by to remind you that I'm a very bad detective. Also, Kimber's pretty fucked up and I know a suspicious amount about what was done to her.
Kimber: Maybe since I'm giving up porn, I should become a stuntwoman, since I recover from physical trauma really fucking fast.
Sean: Julia, I want you to have the house.
Julia: Too Many Memories, dude.
Audience: This is oddly touching. Damn you, Nip/Tuck!
Quentin: I HAVE NO PENIS.
Audience: You shot who in the what now?
Kit: Liz, you have dildos. You are clearly our killer.
Liz: Now you're not even trying.
Quentin: Come on, guys, I just want to be like you. You know--degrade women, have sex with patients, that whole thing.
Sean and Christian: (have a whole conversation in a single glance just like old times) Okay.
Quentin: Just kidding! I'm the Carver after all!
Audience: That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
Quentin: Can I tell you my manifesto now?
Audience: No, seriously. Stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Quentin: I rape to enlighten!
Christian: I'm just going to volunteer to mutilate myself so that I can pass out from blood loss and not listen to your bad characterization anymore. 'Kay?
Matt (holding a WEAPON): Hey, Nazi Dad, I would prefer not to continue using this shovel, which might also be used as a WEAPON, to shovel dirt onto my mutilated friend, although that preference is not strong enough for me to try to do anything to help her. (tossing WEAPON aside) You should probably shoot me.
(Cherry rises from grave with WEAPON and whomps Nazi Dad.)
Matt: Wow, I totally didn't think of that. Okay, let's finish him off, and after that we'll dispose of the body and not tell anyone. That worked out great for my dad in the first season.
Kit: You see, Quentin had a troubled childhood, about which I know a suspicious amount.
Christian and Sean: Poor dear, I can't believe what he'd been through. A convent girl, a runaway marriage, oh it's too too terrible...wait, wrong fandom.
Gina and Christian: Let's have fairly amusing banter about how fucked up our relationship is. This is quite possibly the most engagingly written part of the episode, so we'll linger a bit before the plot twist.
Nun: Why, gentlemen, I do believe you've been Keyser Soze'd.
Audience: So that's what happened to Cassandra Spender! Well, I guess if I'd been married to Cancer Man, I might consider taking holy orders too.
Quentin and Kit (lounging by the poolside): Yeah, we may be incestuous psychopaths with nary a penis between us, but we continue to PWNZ0R all of you, because bisexuals are apparently just that 1337. As a matter of fact, we have just gone from really lame soap-opera characters with wildly uneven writing to totally awesome villains in about five minutes.
Kit: By the way, not only was I not a real detective, I wasn't even British.
Quentin: Yeah, whatever. Let's kill people.
Kit: Right behind you, baby. Are we cool or what?
Audience: DAMN YOU, NIP/TUCK!
Also, I have a prediction:
I think we're meant to believe that there's something wrong with Julia's baby, but despite the singular noun she used when she talked to Sean at the end, I'm going into next season assuming that it's omg twins.
Nip/Tuck season finale in five minutes:
Nurse: Package for you, Dr. Troy. It's bleeding.
Audience: EWWWWW oh my god okay it's probably Kimber's hand with her engagement ring, or maybe it's her head! Is it Kimber's head? Is it? Is it? Oh no it's her BOOBS! Why didn't I think of that? Damn you, Nip/Tuck, you're always one step ahead of me!
Matt: I should hang out with that tranny girl that I beat the shit out of a while back and who then got her friends to help her beat the shit out of me. Clearly I'm the only person in her life who can or should make her feel pretty and worthwhile.
Cherry: Well, he tranny-bashed me, but now he's acting kind of nice, so it would probably be a good idea to hang out with him a lot. It's not like I have other friends or anything.
Kit: Evening, squire. I just dropped by to remind you that I'm a very bad detective. Also, Kimber's pretty fucked up and I know a suspicious amount about what was done to her.
Kimber: Maybe since I'm giving up porn, I should become a stuntwoman, since I recover from physical trauma really fucking fast.
Sean: Julia, I want you to have the house.
Julia: Too Many Memories, dude.
Audience: This is oddly touching. Damn you, Nip/Tuck!
Quentin: I HAVE NO PENIS.
Audience: You shot who in the what now?
Kit: Liz, you have dildos. You are clearly our killer.
Liz: Now you're not even trying.
Quentin: Come on, guys, I just want to be like you. You know--degrade women, have sex with patients, that whole thing.
Sean and Christian: (have a whole conversation in a single glance just like old times) Okay.
Quentin: Just kidding! I'm the Carver after all!
Audience: That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
Quentin: Can I tell you my manifesto now?
Audience: No, seriously. Stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Quentin: I rape to enlighten!
Christian: I'm just going to volunteer to mutilate myself so that I can pass out from blood loss and not listen to your bad characterization anymore. 'Kay?
Matt (holding a WEAPON): Hey, Nazi Dad, I would prefer not to continue using this shovel, which might also be used as a WEAPON, to shovel dirt onto my mutilated friend, although that preference is not strong enough for me to try to do anything to help her. (tossing WEAPON aside) You should probably shoot me.
(Cherry rises from grave with WEAPON and whomps Nazi Dad.)
Matt: Wow, I totally didn't think of that. Okay, let's finish him off, and after that we'll dispose of the body and not tell anyone. That worked out great for my dad in the first season.
Kit: You see, Quentin had a troubled childhood, about which I know a suspicious amount.
Christian and Sean: Poor dear, I can't believe what he'd been through. A convent girl, a runaway marriage, oh it's too too terrible...wait, wrong fandom.
Gina and Christian: Let's have fairly amusing banter about how fucked up our relationship is. This is quite possibly the most engagingly written part of the episode, so we'll linger a bit before the plot twist.
Nun: Why, gentlemen, I do believe you've been Keyser Soze'd.
Audience: So that's what happened to Cassandra Spender! Well, I guess if I'd been married to Cancer Man, I might consider taking holy orders too.
Quentin and Kit (lounging by the poolside): Yeah, we may be incestuous psychopaths with nary a penis between us, but we continue to PWNZ0R all of you, because bisexuals are apparently just that 1337. As a matter of fact, we have just gone from really lame soap-opera characters with wildly uneven writing to totally awesome villains in about five minutes.
Kit: By the way, not only was I not a real detective, I wasn't even British.
Quentin: Yeah, whatever. Let's kill people.
Kit: Right behind you, baby. Are we cool or what?
Audience: DAMN YOU, NIP/TUCK!
Also, I have a prediction:
I think we're meant to believe that there's something wrong with Julia's baby, but despite the singular noun she used when she talked to Sean at the end, I'm going into next season assuming that it's omg twins.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-22 08:12 am (UTC)Oh god, it's so TRUE. I suddenly wanted to write about them gallivanting around Europe mutilating the mundanes for JUSTICE!
You win this round, Nip/Tuck. You win this round.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-22 08:53 am (UTC)Bisexuals: They may be evil, but they're evil GENIUSES.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-22 09:02 am (UTC)Queer Nip/Tuck Villain Deathmatch.
Date: 2005-12-22 11:37 pm (UTC)Re: Queer Nip/Tuck Villain Deathmatch.
Date: 2005-12-23 01:03 am (UTC)Re: Queer Nip/Tuck Villain Deathmatch.
Date: 2005-12-23 01:32 am (UTC)